


Was it Worth the Words?

by LazarusII



Series: Star Wars One-Shots (Basically a Collection of Obi-Wan & Ahsoka Fics ) [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Memories, Post-Order 66, Raada, Regret, Setting from Ahsoka Novel by E.K. Johnston
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23718271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazarusII/pseuds/LazarusII
Summary: Ahsoka stares at the night sky and remembers.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano
Series: Star Wars One-Shots (Basically a Collection of Obi-Wan & Ahsoka Fics ) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703224
Comments: 13
Kudos: 143





	Was it Worth the Words?

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, so here's some more angst.  
> Just a note that this has not been beta-read, so please let me know if you see anything! (plz be kind to me <3)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Ahsoka stared up at the night, eyes unfocused. 

All around her, she could almost see the glowing lights, cast between towering buildings and skyscrapers. She would give anything to hear the steady thrum of noise again, and to feel the buzz of life in the Force. Coruscant never slept, a constant in an ever-changing galaxy.

Her eyes traveled to a spot just above the horizon where a small cluster of planets had come into view. 

Somewhere out there, reflected against the darkened sky, was that planet.

Her home.

_Or were the Jedi your home?_ A small voice whispered to her. But Ahsoka pushed the thought aside. 

Compared to the city-planet, Raada had no such life or warmth. There was no comfort in the Force other than the knowledge that she was truly alone.

No light.

No darkness.

Just the vast nothingness which had filled the Force since the fateful day when it all went to hell. 

She remembered containing her joy at seeing her Master, prioritizing the mission-- _always_ the mission. Ahsoka had told herself for years, "mission first" and "there is no emotion, only the Force." 

And yet would she still feel this crushing guilt? Would acting upon her instinct still have brought this terrible pain? Had things gone differently if she hadn't allowed herself to become so involved with Bo-Katan's quest to capture Maul?

The hills around her chosen meditation spot seemed to stare at her, their pale-green silhouettes unforgiving against the darkened sky. A soft breeze caressed her skin, whistling softly through a nearby rockpile. Beneath her, the soil felt foreign. 

She didn't belong here, and yet here she was. Alone. Exiled. 

By the Force, Ahsoka wished that she'd listened, that she'd taken the few precious seconds to listen to her Master and talk. Every "hello" and "how are you" seemed to carry the weight of the universe now.

\--And she'd said "there's no time."

Because it was _oh so easy_ to proclaim that they didn't have those moments when the world seemed so permanent. And yet she'd argued on the fear that Mandalore had seconds when her entire world sat upon a ticking clock. 

Ahsoka had assumed that there would be another time to meet and that she would be faced with both her former Masters again. That she'd have time to say things that still needed to be said. 

Had she listened to those whispers, those corners of her mind still deeply in tune with the Force, she'd have realized that it was the end. The last time. She _had_ felt the rise of the darkness, but had not heeded the warning. 

A part of her that had gone back to those memories, telling her "you have no regrets for what you said," whispering the lies she'd told herself in order to hide from guilt. 

Ahsoka had seen her Grandmaster try to follow her, moving forward when she'd renounced the Jedi, only to be held back by other Masters.

The overwhelming sense anger and betrayal had blinded her to the fact that she truly _didn't_ know if Obi-Wan had fought for her or not. Had she taken a step back from herself and looked upon her memories sooner, she'd have seen the way his face had grown more weary with each passing meeting. Dark circles had rimmed his eyes from the moment she'd been detained, reflecting a bone-aching exhaustion that only grew until the day they'd invited her back. It was at that moment, she remembered seeing a reflection of Anakin's own hope on Obi-Wan's face, hidden behind iron doors of Jedi willpower and control. 

Even when she'd walked down the ramp to plead for Republic aid on Mandalore, the anger and betrayal had held its teeth in her mind. She'd allowed Bo-Katan to drag him down, insult him, and she'd done the same. 

She'd done nothing but argue and demand that he make an impossible decision. Lives versus even more lives. What was he to say?

Were those words she'd thrown at her Grandmaster worth it?

Was the way she'd dismissed Anakin? She could see his face, clear as day, practically pleading for her to just turn and _talk_. 

In the moment, she'd told herself it was for the mission. She'd been so convinced it was right. 

Now, she would do anything to go back, to throw her arms around the people that meant so much to her--to, for one moment, be a family again. 

She'd felt them all go, the sudden screaming of pain that had sent her to her knees with pain. The cries of thousands being silenced, and the terrible embrace of the cold and dark. 

Her former Master and Grandmaster, beacons of light in the Force, were gone. Both swallowed by the void. Gone. 

Ahsoka looked up into the night sky again. It didn't matter how long she stayed out here, alone in the dark, there would be no answers coming from the stars. Not for days, weeks, months... even years. In her heart, Ahsoka knew that would not find anything until she found peace within herself. She had to live with her regrets and move on, repair her relationship with the Force, and then... 

Then whatever her fate was, she would be able to face it. 

Exhaling, she rose, dusting off her worn flightsuit. 

Her gaze rested on a nearby star. 

"Until tomorrow, then," she whispered into the night, before turning back towards home. 

_Until tomorrow._

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr [here](https://lazarusii.tumblr.com/)  
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> ~ LazarusII


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